Just a Juxtaposition

“Cuddle you, Mommy.”

“Hi, Mommy!”

“Hi, Mommy!”

“Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy! Hi Mommy!”

“I want to sit, Mommy.” (meaning he wants to sit on my lap)

These phrases are said on a daily basis. Some days he greets me about two hundred times. Nope, not exaggerating.

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Bundled up and ready to handle the snow for about 3 minutes

You know how you have those memories of conversations that always stick with you? You can remember where you sat, what you thought, and maybe even what you were wearing.  I have a lot of those. Mind you, I can’t find my phone or keys most days but I remember certain conversations like they happened two minutes ago.

Anyway, I recall having a Facebook “conversation” with an old high school friend.  I believe it started after I posted this entry  . I was reveling in the excitement of hearing Evan say my name for the first time on his own without a model.  She was complimenting my blog and then she followed it with something like, “Soon he will be saying your name over and over and you’ll need him to take a break!”

So she was partially spot on.

He does say my name. A LOT.

He says it sometimes just to maintain connection/engagement with me.  We figured out that sometimes he is so excited to be sharing something with us, but he can’t put it into words so he just keeps greeting us, because he knows it will receive a response and he wants to make sure we are still “with him.” It’s his way of checking in.

So my friend was 110% correct about the repeating.

But I do not need him to take a break.

Believe me, there are things he does that make me weary. Such as turning on and off the baby swing, or asking to watching “funny puppies” on You Tube.  But when it comes to language and communication, I still get excited when he remembers to check in or he asks me to “cuddle you.” (which of course means, please cuddle with him.)

Evan’s language is more delayed than the average 4.5 year old with Williams Syndrome.  He has a large vocabulary, and he understands SO many words.  But he speaks mostly in two or three word phrases and some longer ones that he uses to express is needs.

Again, I forget how delayed he is until I stop comparing Evan to Evan and I compare him to another child.  We were at the dentist’s office recently and there was a little girl who was very excited to share every toy with her mom.  Her mom looked very tired and overwhelmed from whatever her day entailed. Her daughter would jump in her face, show her a toy and babble on about all the details.  The mom was half listening and tolerating her daughter but you could tell she just needed a little quiet.

And I totally understood.

Sort of.

Because I thought to myself, “Wow, at Evan’s age he should be sharing toys with me and telling me about them.” That mom doesn’t realize how awesome it is that her little girl is speaking in long sentences and sharing experiences with her.

Then my mind went to a weird, unfamiliar place. I thought about Melody.

Just hanging out

Just hanging out

I immediately felt guilt and wonder. I was pondering if my little girl would come up to me in a doctor’s office one day and babble on about toys until I ask her to go play by herself because my mind needs a break.  I felt a slight excitement at that prospect with weirdness and guilt mixed in.

I looked at my boy, playing with the musical toys and repeating, “I want to play!” and “toys!” with glee.

We have celebrated and fought for every one of Evan’s milestones. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t hope that there wouldn’t be as big a fight for Melody.  But at the same time, I wouldn’t change what we have had with Evan for the world.

The juxtaposition of those two feelings is kind of exquisite.

And I still love hearing….”Hi Mommy!” two hundred times a day.

Growing love

Growing love

 

 

4 Comments on Just a Juxtaposition

  1. Gran
    February 2, 2016 at 8:01 pm (1 year ago)

    “Hi Gran” NEVER gets old! It fills my heart. ❤️

    Reply
  2. Wendy
    February 2, 2016 at 8:59 pm (1 year ago)

    Just beautifully written and expressed! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Celeste Leich
    February 3, 2016 at 9:48 am (1 year ago)

    Love this, thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  4. Norah's Nana
    February 3, 2016 at 6:46 pm (1 year ago)

    Wonderful expression of your truest feelings. I absolutely love the line, “The juxtaposition of those two feelings is exquisite.” That is so true about SO many things we encounter day to day. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

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