So it has been a coon’s age since I wrote last. (husband likes that saying) Okay maybe not that long, but since mid December. I thought I would be brimming with things to write about over the holiday break. The magic of Christmas morning, the quiet hope of Christmas Eve night. Evan’s day time hippotherapy session, family parties, etc.
All of those things did happen, but….I felt a little harried and tired when I did have the time to blog. So instead I chose to sit in the playroom with Evan or catch up on DVR with Todd. Or spend an hour in the kitchen cooking or baking. (more on that later-you can pick your chin off the ground now) And I am glad that is how I tried to spend the little bit of free time I did have while off from work. But my fingers have been aching to write, and I’ve been spending a lot of time catching up on other blogs, thinking, “I really need to get back into the groove!”
Hence, here I sit while Todd is playing with Evan in the other room on his new Ipad. Todd has been fighting a nasty chest cold for about three weeks now. Maybe longer. I asked him if he could monitor Evan on the Ipad for a little while so I could have some blogging time. Of course he complied, but I can’t kick the feeling like I shouldn’t have asked. Like I should have just gotten Evan up from his non-nap and put my alone time off for a little while longer. I often feel that way. That I should leave a gathering early to get home, because Todd is caring for Evan. Or if I go to a workout class, I feel like I am being a little neglectful as a mother and wife because I am doing something completely for myself.
So I know most of you are probably thinking, get off it, Erin. You know you deserve your own time- we all do. Happy Mama means a happy child, etc. etc. And I do know that. I know it like I know I shouldn’t speed while driving. I know that brussel sprouts are good for me.
I know these things but I don’t necessarily live them or believe them deep down. I love this new Jazzercise class I am taking. LOVE it. The teacher is a friend of mine that I met through an early intervention program where our sons both attended. She is spunky, energetic, and a very good instructor. I leave that class sweaty and feeling lighter in my orthopedic sneakers. I’m kind of not exaggerating with that one. The first class I took she said something like, “this is your hour, right ladies??” and I thought, you know what, yes, this is my hour. If I want to jazzercise with it, I can. If I want to reorganize Evan’s closet, I will. If I want to read endless recipe blogs, I will.
And this is why I decided that I need to Release.
My 2014 word is “Release.”
I’ve never done a theme word before. Too hokey maybe. Resolutions only last about ten days. But I thought, I want to try. I want to give myself a focus. So I thought on it for a few days. What would be a good word to keep in the back of my mind as I face new experiences this year, both good and bad. I kept coming back to the idea of letting go. Letting go of guilt. Letting go of worry. Letting go of doubt…. of insecurities, of pain, of comparison.
Like when you take a deep breath in with your nose and fill your stomach with air and then release it slowly, for at least five seconds.
That is what I want to think about this year. Releasing. So that there will be room in my heart and mind for better things.
and all of these:
I know there will be plenty more of these moments in 2014, and I plan to hold them in my heart and mind and try my darndest to RELEASE the rest. Will you join me?