|First Day of School for Evan (27 months) September 2013|
Well….I did it. We did it. We made it through week one of Project Return to Work. The last day I taught in a classroom setting was in April of 2011. I was 9 months pregnant and incredibly eager to meet my son and become a mother. I can honestly say I had NO CLUE what the next two years would bring.
I didn’t know the excruciating pain of labor.
I didn’t know the extreme joy of holding my first born child after carrying him around for ten months and five days.
I didn’t know the turmoil that sleep deprivation can do to your emotions and your psyche.
|Saying hi from my classroom.|
I didn’t know much I would need and love having my mother in law stay with us when I struggled with anxiety and insomnia in the months after giving birth.
I didn’t know that being a mother is not necessarily an inherent skill you are born with. It takes work and experience just like any other job.
I didn’t know that I would miss getting dressed for work in the morning and the adult conversations that go along with having a job outside of the house.
I didn’t know how guilty I would feel for missing those things.
I didn’t know how being a SAHM sometimes feels like high school all over again, with the mommy cliques and the comparison conversations that go on at the playground and indoor play facilities.
I didn’t know how much richer my relationship with my mother would be through becoming a mother myself.
I didn’t know how important it would be to make sure to have a child free conversation with Todd every day.
I didn’t know how hard it would be to leave Evan with a babysitter. We still have not “hired” someone outside of our circle of family members and friends.
I didn’t know how exhilarating it would be to have a baby free dinner with Todd.
I didn’t know we would find out our child has a rare genetic condition.
I didn’t know how life changing a moment in a doctor’s office could be.
|Evan (1) after diagnosis|
I didn’t know how hard it would be to be around my friend’s children for a while.
I didn’t know how desperately I would try to find a reason to believe the doctor might be wrong.
I didn’t know that one day I would realize my child was going to change people’s lives. For the better.
I didn’t know how music would bring so much joy to our child.
I didn’t know that I would end up taking an additional year off and have no regrets.
I didn’t know how I would go from wanting to work, to not wanting to work, to needing to go back to work and all the emotions that go along with it.
I didn’t know the power of online communities.
I didn’t know I would make lifelong friends on a support board.
I didn’t know I would wear a Williams Syndrome awareness tee shirt to the store and hope that someone would ask me about it.
I didn’t know how the half hour after nap time would become my most favorite time with Evan.
I didn’t know how important early intervention is.
I didn’t know how much I would value Evan’s therapists.
I didn’t know how hard it would be miss some of Evan’s therapy sessions because of work.
Again, I didn’t know how much guilt can really stink.
I didn’t know how hard working moms work.
I didn’t know how hard stay at home moms work.
I didn’t know conflicted I would feel about being both of those things.
I didn’t know how hard it would be to give up the amount of control I have over Evan’s life.
I didn’t realize how much I value being in control.
I didn’t know how two big blue eyes could just fill up my heart and tear up my insides all at the same time.