I don’t like growing up.

Sometimes I wish I could be Peter Pan, flying off to Neverland…
Typically I try to keep this blog upbeat, and definitely more on the positive tip.  Basically because I truly believe what you put out there is what you receive. I see no point in complaining about things I have no control over. Welllllll….today is a little bit of an exception.
 I am not happy this afternoon. I am frustrated over what it means to be an adult, and the tough stuff that entails.  I just updated the “About Me” section on here (finally) and I mentioned that I do not mind my age or birthdays, in fact I welcome them. And that is still true. 
I don’t like what happens to the people around me as a result of getting older. I can take the wrinkles, the sagging skin, the getting loopy after two drinks, the funny looks I get from twenty somethings when I bring up a pop culture reference from my childhood. What I am struggling with, is the biggies-people divorcing, people getting sick, and of course, the worst one, people passing away.
 I know these things all occur all the time, not just because I am older. But clearly there is some correlation with my age, because it is happening a darn awful lot lately. 
Just last night I learned of the sudden passing of a soccer coach I had as a child. He coached alongside my father. Two of his three daughters all played soccer with me. I am not in touch with the family now, but I have vivid memories of team parties at their house and how proud he always was of his girls.  I know it was not expected because I follow the blog of one of the daughters- .http://www.jennifromtheblog.com, and I have since she started years ago. She posted two days ago just talking about her kids, going back to work after a maternity leave, etc. No mention of her father being ill. When I found out about her dad, I immediately turned to my phone. Without a second thought I was going to call my dad and tell him, “Oh my goodness Dad, did you hear the awful news, Mr. Dadura died.” 
And then it hit me. 
Like it does a few times a month when i forget I cannot call my dad anymore. Darn it. In that moment I felt more upset with myself than I was with the fact that he had passed. I felt embarrassed, silly, that I “forgot” for the moment. Then my heart just felt consumed with hurt for the Dadura family. I know that pain all too well.  
Then I get on Facebook, (which I know is not helpful), to get my mind off of it. I read a status update from a mother who I follow on FB and also on her website, Petite Peanut Boutique. She has a son with Williams Syndrome who was very ill back in June. That is when I discovered her and began following her son Clayton’s journey. Her post said: 
“I wanted to ask a special favor for all that follow my little Superhero Clayton.
Clayton is not doing well today, and really struggling to breathe– comparable to his breathing when we almost lost him in June. If you could please say a prayer for his comfort, peace, and strength I would greatly appreciate it. I know that my Heavenly Father hears and answers them.”
I read the words, “almost lost him” and felt a cold breeze across my whole body. It just hit me so hard. The reminder of life being so incredibly precious. That there are no guarantees. I prayed for Clayton and I sat in silence thinking of my blessings and how lucky we truly are that Evan does not have any major health issues that we know of right now.  
And if you know me, even just a little- I really really strive to not focus on the tough stuff, because I have come to find that we should not waste this precious time worrying about what we cannot control. But that is easier said than done sometimes. In the silence after Evan finally fell asleep today I just felt like I should write about it. 
My very good friend from work also shared with me that after having her son go through a grueling 3 day EEG at CHOP, his seizures have not improved even with a strict diet that has taken so much work and effort on her part.  Her son has come so far, beaten a lot of odds, and proven a lot of people wrong.  But still, I had to validate what she said, and it really stinks. It’s just not fair sometimes what we are faced with, and to question why is fruitless.  

Now don’t go worrying that I am going to go curl up in a ball. I most certainly am not. I just felt the impact of aging today, and felt it was blog-worthy.   In my case, getting older also brought my marriage and beautiful little boy, so I do realize it has benefits as well. I was not ready for those things ten years ago. (even though I might have said I was) 
I do love the parentheses along with the ellipses……….
My thoughts are with my friends and loved ones tonight- I just pray that we all can pause time for a minute and look at what we have around us. Remember how incredible it all is since not one of us knows how long we all have together.  


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